I am the secretary of the student-run drama club at school, called the Jesters. Sometimes being an officer gets me into trouble because I always have to participate in everything and I simply don't have the time for it. This semester we are only doing one festival of one-acts, though, so it's not too bad to learn lines for a 8-page play. I'm doing the Durang play "Words, Words, Words" with a couple of other girls. At first, I was upset because I wasn't at the casting meeting and was immediately put into this play about monkeys typing Hamlet. Obviously, I was not too excited about playing a monkey. Even worse, I was cast as the monkey who flips out, monkey style, and I was not sure I could do that on stage yet. Needless to say, at the first rehearsal I was pretty apathetic, and my castmates were also not very encouraging as monkeys. Before the second rehearsal, though, there was a casting change, and now the president of the club is also a monkey. Because she can get into her part really well, it encouraged me to step outside of my comfort zone and actually become the monkey, which can actually be quite fun if you think about it. Now, I'm actually somewhat proud to be in the monkey play. Sometimes it really is better just to try and stay positive about something that you don't like because you might just change your mind and your views about the people around you.
So now I'm preparing for my "week of hell," as I've so named it. I have three exams and two quizzes this week and I am so mad that my professors all scheduled them within the same five days. At least I don't have anything on Thursday to study for because Wednesday is my busiest day of the week. Hopefully this week goes better than I think it will, because my grades are seriously in danger....damn med school required GPA!!!
31 March 2007
29 March 2007
Pachabel Canon in D
Life is so ridiculous nowadays. I do not understand how people have 4.0 science averages. I cannot imagine that at all. I feel like I am never going to get all As in a semester here unless my classes are very different from now. There is just too much work to be done. I am listening to classical music because it makes me feel smarter and puts me into a better mood most of the time.
Yesterday, when I was at the hospital doing my internship, the elevators were all stopped because of a baby alarm. Baby alarms occur when the hospital is concerned that someone is trying to steal a baby. I had to do a tour of the building with Dr. Cooper, my head supervisor, so we had to walk all the way up to the 12th floor and then back down. Immediately after the tour, I followed Dr. Wright, the resident and the fellow around on rounds. We, of course, had to get back to the 12th floor--on foot. I didn't sit down once the whole 4 hours I was at the hospital, and that doesn't even include my having to walk there and back. Needless to say, it was exhausting--but that's how residency is going to be so I should start learning how to tough it out. At least I know I have that to look forward to after my undergraduate years.
Today, in chem lab, my partner was great, so we got out relatively fast and did it well. Teamwork ROCKS. I also talked to my advisor today about my possible major change. She was pretty excited for me. I have to actually do my bio report now.
Yesterday, when I was at the hospital doing my internship, the elevators were all stopped because of a baby alarm. Baby alarms occur when the hospital is concerned that someone is trying to steal a baby. I had to do a tour of the building with Dr. Cooper, my head supervisor, so we had to walk all the way up to the 12th floor and then back down. Immediately after the tour, I followed Dr. Wright, the resident and the fellow around on rounds. We, of course, had to get back to the 12th floor--on foot. I didn't sit down once the whole 4 hours I was at the hospital, and that doesn't even include my having to walk there and back. Needless to say, it was exhausting--but that's how residency is going to be so I should start learning how to tough it out. At least I know I have that to look forward to after my undergraduate years.
Today, in chem lab, my partner was great, so we got out relatively fast and did it well. Teamwork ROCKS. I also talked to my advisor today about my possible major change. She was pretty excited for me. I have to actually do my bio report now.
27 March 2007
Art vs. Science
Neuroscience major requirements that correspond with pre-med coursework:
Bio 152
Bio 153
Chem 111
Chem 112
Chem 211 (orgo I)
Health Fellows Program (not required)
English major requirements that correspond with pre-med coursework:
Any Lit class
Any language class
# of courses required for English major: 12 # I've completed: 0
# of courses required for Neurosci major: 14 # I've completed: 3
Planned schedule next year if Neurosci major:
Fall= Bio 152, physics, orgo I, brain and behavior (basic neurosci)
Spring=physics, orgo II, neurobio, argument and research writing
Planned schedule next year if English major:
Fall= bio 152, physics, orgo I, intro to literary studies
Spring= physics, orgo II, Intro to Amer. Lit II, Spanish or French
WHAT SHOULD I DO?????
Bio 152
Bio 153
Chem 111
Chem 112
Chem 211 (orgo I)
Health Fellows Program (not required)
English major requirements that correspond with pre-med coursework:
Any Lit class
Any language class
# of courses required for English major: 12 # I've completed: 0
# of courses required for Neurosci major: 14 # I've completed: 3
Planned schedule next year if Neurosci major:
Fall= Bio 152, physics, orgo I, brain and behavior (basic neurosci)
Spring=physics, orgo II, neurobio, argument and research writing
Planned schedule next year if English major:
Fall= bio 152, physics, orgo I, intro to literary studies
Spring= physics, orgo II, Intro to Amer. Lit II, Spanish or French
WHAT SHOULD I DO?????
Between the Lines of Fear and Blame
Today I was in the school paper for attending the American Medical Students Association conference in DC. Although I am not a med student yet--merely a pre-med--this whole article got me thinking about my plans for a major. I realized that since I have been at school, the majority of my time that is not spent on sleep or schoolwork is used for reading the classics. Maybe my true passion is becoming an English major. Maybe that's why I needed to hang out with the boy...it would all make sense to me then. I also found out that I'm going to be an RA next year. w00t! I have no monies; this will be a good thing for me. I'll be able to exercise my authority over next year's freshmen, and make awesome door decorations (Yay arts and crafts). I am getting really burnt out of science right now, especially since my F+ on my latest bio exam (never saw that coming). I am sure I can make it up on the final, but knowing that I have a C in the class right now sucks bad.
I still haven't gotten any money back from the school after the AMSA conference so I couldn't pay off my credit card today. I hate being so broke. I have been selling "Free Books" from the Math, Computing, and Engineering Center on Amazon.com in order to break the cycle. I've made $46 dollars so far. I'll get out of this hole soon, I just hope I don't drown in it first.
I am actually going to do some homework tonight...maybe.
You've got this new head filled up with smoke
I don't quite know if I'm over it yet--this feeling of being used but still happy I can make myself presentable after messing around with my "ex"'s best friend. I question why I get into these things even though I know much of the answer lies in my need to feel cared for...like I'm not an expendable entity, which I tend to believe people are in general. Why do I care so much how people view me? I try so hard to be an outstanding citizen. I act amiably with everyone, except my roommates sometimes. I'm not the type to hold grudges because I like to get over conflict immediately. You have to let it run its course, then move on.
I know not all of my tears today were about my missing my flight and having to stay at the airport for twelve hours on standby until I could finally get on another. Some may have been caused by the behavior of a certain boy. Does he care? Probably not. I've learned to give up on him, and I'm sure others will feel the same way after getting to know him and having to feel the way I did when he ignored my wishes and led me on. Fool me once...
I know not all of my tears today were about my missing my flight and having to stay at the airport for twelve hours on standby until I could finally get on another. Some may have been caused by the behavior of a certain boy. Does he care? Probably not. I've learned to give up on him, and I'm sure others will feel the same way after getting to know him and having to feel the way I did when he ignored my wishes and led me on. Fool me once...
26 March 2007
So far, it seems
My first college boyfriend (or something like that) just didn't care. Although I had been thrilled by the ideas of Albert Camus and Jean-Paul Sarte, dating an existentialist was not all it seemed to be. He would forget about our dates because he doesn't believe in time, but he could always make it to class. When we went out to parties together, he would spend more time in religious arguments than he spent talking to me.
You would think that even if we were only dating for the hook-ups, there would at least be an incentive for him to spend time with me; but instead, he was never around, leaving our trysts on occasional weekends to feel more like one-night stands. The whole time I was trying to figure out if I should let myself become completely close to him so that he might feel more inclined to do the same, but I wasn't looking for heartbreak.
I think I dated him because he was so cynical--so far from self-actualization--that I wanted to help him come out from his facade of wit and sarcasm and come to terms with himself. This humor that had attracted me to him in the first place became a wall that I just couldn't break through, even with intense attempts. The fact that my co-dependency had become apparent in this relationship with him and I couldn't do anything about it made me feel choked, like I was going to be physically sick. As his humor became hurtful, my power as a healer was put in question. Could I even get through to anyone if I couldn't help my own situation?
I've wanted to become a doctor since the age of three. For me, choosing a major was as easy as doing research to see what major intersected with pre-med requirements the most. My choice of colleges was narrowed by only looking at schools that had that major. Sometimes, it seems, my whole life has been about choosing right and getting in--choosing not to party so much, choosing the right classes and extracurriculars, finding what would make me stick out in a pool of applicants so that I could attend a college far, far away from my home, where recent deaths and my parents' impending divorce was pushing me to the edge of my sanity.
The boyfriend challenged me. He was an avid reader and made me rediscover my bookworm side. He wants to be an English/psych major and he made me think from a different perspective, unlike my science courses, which tend to force people to think along the same wavelengths. This fruitful discussion of books and social mechanisms helped me to grow and explore my literary side, but was it worth the pain and mental distress?
You would think that even if we were only dating for the hook-ups, there would at least be an incentive for him to spend time with me; but instead, he was never around, leaving our trysts on occasional weekends to feel more like one-night stands. The whole time I was trying to figure out if I should let myself become completely close to him so that he might feel more inclined to do the same, but I wasn't looking for heartbreak.
I think I dated him because he was so cynical--so far from self-actualization--that I wanted to help him come out from his facade of wit and sarcasm and come to terms with himself. This humor that had attracted me to him in the first place became a wall that I just couldn't break through, even with intense attempts. The fact that my co-dependency had become apparent in this relationship with him and I couldn't do anything about it made me feel choked, like I was going to be physically sick. As his humor became hurtful, my power as a healer was put in question. Could I even get through to anyone if I couldn't help my own situation?
I've wanted to become a doctor since the age of three. For me, choosing a major was as easy as doing research to see what major intersected with pre-med requirements the most. My choice of colleges was narrowed by only looking at schools that had that major. Sometimes, it seems, my whole life has been about choosing right and getting in--choosing not to party so much, choosing the right classes and extracurriculars, finding what would make me stick out in a pool of applicants so that I could attend a college far, far away from my home, where recent deaths and my parents' impending divorce was pushing me to the edge of my sanity.
The boyfriend challenged me. He was an avid reader and made me rediscover my bookworm side. He wants to be an English/psych major and he made me think from a different perspective, unlike my science courses, which tend to force people to think along the same wavelengths. This fruitful discussion of books and social mechanisms helped me to grow and explore my literary side, but was it worth the pain and mental distress?
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