Will someone please explain this to me?

Disclaimer: I am not trying to write this post to offend people in any way, but I'm sure it might come off as that because I am critical of this movement. If anyone would like to explain it to me better, please comment. I want to start a dialogue rather than closing myself off about it.

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So I stand behind gay rights, I am happy to work with transgendered people, and I participate in causes side by side with the LGBT community. One of the things that I've been hearing about lately, though, is the genderqueer movement. I am really confused about this--please just hear me out before you cast judgment on me:

1. What is genderqueer? I've heard definitions about it meaning that there is no defined gender for that person. Sociologically, this makes no sense. We play into our gender roles as early as we know about them. As people grow older, they may decide that they identify themselves as the opposite sex more than their own, and they may seek operations or hormones or other methods to make their outside match their inside. I completely understand that because it still adheres to the gender roles that are always in/will always be in place. There is a sociological force of gender in our society that we cannot escape, but I guess the genderqueer movement may be trying to deconstruct that.

2. Can we deconstruct sociological values of gender? One may say, that by being homosexual, that gender roles are denied, but I would have to disagree. No matter how gay a man is, he is still a man as defined by our society. If it walks like a man, talks like a man, it is a man. This is the same argument for transgendered/transexual people, if he now walks like a woman, and talks like a woman, she is a woman. Transgendered/transexual people don't become "it," they assume the opposite gender role. I feel like people who assume a genderqueer label superficially "other" themselves. They're not really fighting against the sociological values of gender because they still adhere to them. Instead, they just give themselves new labels.

3. Does gender-neutral labeling put genders at an equal level? I do not think so. Even if one is not verbally labeled as a he or she, he is still physically labeled. Everyone still can recognize his "true" gender. One could take the path of neutrality of labeling but still have opportunities in life only dependent on their man- or woman-ness. Even if you don't identify as a woman, you are still a woman. Are you going to stop fighting for feminist causes because you "aren't a woman" anymore? I don't get it.

4. Is it a good idea to remove gender as a boundary for people? Yes, in theory. The problem from the genderqueer movement, imo, is that it is middle-to-upper-class white kids making themselves into a minority. Why give yourself a completely superficial and alienating construction while performing the same gendered behaviors you always have?

I think it's BS. Someone please tell me why it's not.

I aced the GRE!!!!!!

Will someone let me into grad school? duh duh duhhhhhh

I can't be your girl

Not precious, pretty, or petite

I'm not graceful,

and have always been constantly

tripping over my feet (even though I

only wear sneakers), or dropping things.

I never wear heels,

they make me feel wobbly

when I need to be in control.

I cannot lay docile,

cannot just let things happen to me.

I can't help but defend my opinion,

and argue till I look like a fool,

but I'll still put on my makeup.

I hope it makes my mother,

the 50-year-old version of your girl, happy.

Come disconnect the dots with me

Tendrils of hemp belt

tied in a neat knot

but not making its waist

Ceiling fan drooping

cannot stand the weight

of a heart too whole

their hands

around a neck

suffocating

The rope is durable,

but she is not.

I've Been Waiting All My Life For This...

Seize the Day

Sunlight invades our sheets,
restrained by iron lines
of shadows allying
window panes.

Sleep is a casualty.
Brightness confronts us, violating our eyes,
teasing us while concealing its cold clip.
We surrender beneath the blanketed compound,
darkness compromising morning vows.

We are obscurity’s hostages,
Standing up to the radiation
Detained in each other,
appeased.

Something in the way you people smell, like you've got no soul at all.

I wrote a revision about one of my poems on this blog from two years ago for my creative writing class, and it brought my professor to tears.

The Process (3/9/09)

“Baby fat doesn’t smell like adult fat.”
You would expect it to be easier to autopsy an adult
than a child. We flip the tiny cadaver’s scalp up,
and then I can pretend I am dissecting a cat, AP-bio style.

You don’t need the bone saw on children.
Using the scalpel, we cut the cartilaginous ribs one-by-one,
and easily remove the breastplate.
The organs are miniature, and even cute.

I’ve never seen a heart so small and so precious.
I only think it’s sad that it will never see CAD.
I wonder what this child could have done or seen
with its life, now wasted by asphyxiation.

Forever Young

I need to write about
entering the gates
my best friend’s blonde hair blowing into my face
cool summer breeze
the happy screams from the swimming pool
the feel of jumping into the chlorinated water feet first
adult swim—how I should just get out
taking a break with all the kids

the water dripping off my bathing suit
the sun starts to evaporate me
my body, it feels much colder now
sitting under the umbrella
moving my blanket from the shadows, nearer to Kate
how summer should never end

Despite Brilliant Visuals and “Epic” Promises, Watchmen Fails Due to its Misogynistic Undertones

In preparing to see Watchmen, I read the graphic novel. I had a hard time relating to the characters, though. Obviously, it’s difficult to relate to those in an alternate history where we won in Vietnam due to superheroes, but I was hoping that I’d find something to relate to in the “Silk Spectre.” Usually I enjoy reading about superwomen, as they can kick ass, stay sexy, and break gender stereotypes, but these women are the exact opposite of the feminist superhero tradition.
The mother-daughter characters in Watchmen, who both acquired the crime-fighting moniker “Silk Spectre,” are completely defined by their sexual relationships with men. “The Comedian,” the man killed at the film’s opening, had attempted to rape the mother, Sally, but apparently Sally enjoyed it because he ends up being her daughter’s father. As a woman, reading about those events was completely disgusting to me—they feed into the rapist’s fantasy that his victim is actually aroused by him. At the end of this rape scene in the film, the camera focuses on Sally’s face and she seems to be smiling. What does that say about women?
Sally’s daughter, Laurie, is no better. She has no career or friends because she is the girlfriend of Jon, superhero “Dr. Manhattan,” that blue guy who has the powers of a god. Jon works for the government and lives on a military base, and Laurie lives with him. She breaks up with him after she realizes that he has doubled himself in order to have sex with her and work simultaneously.
After breaking it off with Jon, Laurie is forced to leave the base, and since she has no job and no friends, she decides to call on a fellow ex-superhero “Nite Owl” Dan Drieburg. Of course, these two end up attempting to have sex, but apparently Dan has some erectile dysfunction due to the apocalyptic times the world is facing. The two decide to go out and try to fight crime again, and after they save some people from a fire, they are able to have sex. Not only is this scene pretty graphic and overly long in the film, but it is also cheapened by the use of the song “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen. Zack Snyder apparently loves his slo-mo humping, as he used that technique in 300’s sex scene as well. He also changed or cut many of Laurie’s lines to make her a less substantial character. The most memorable of these cuts was in a scene where she is trying to convince Jon to leave Mars to come back and save Earth, but he changes her intelligent arguments into “Do it for me, Jon.” Although she wasn’t a great character to begin with, she at least seemed intelligent in the graphic novel.
One of the most talked about changes to the film from the graphic novel is the cut of a squid-like creature that attacks NYC. This creature looks more like a giant, tentacled vagina. It is arguably the most powerful vagina in the graphic novel. Feminist critiques of the graphic novel have called the creature misogynistic as it a vagina causing destruction, but others have decided it’s the only symbol of female power in the entire text, so I believe it was a conscious decision by Zack Snyder in order to maintain the phallic dominance of the film.
With his presentation of this film, he is clearly assuming that his audience worships the penis. In the graphic novel, you can see that “Dr. Manhattan” is naked, but you don’t see his penis most of the time because he’ll often strategically stand behind a railing or other objects that hide it from view; however, the film doesn’t allow us this courtesy. Instead, in the scene where Jon first materializes from after his nuclear accident, the camera pans out from just a shot of his face to one of his entire naked blue body. While this may seem acceptable because it is his first appearance since his transformation, I think the choice to have the next shot be his girlfriend saying “Jon?” right after we see his dong, was not a very good one. It implies to the viewer that she only recognizes him because of what his penis looks like—yet another great portrayal of women. And that is not the last time you see his penis; you can even count on seeing it in every scene that he is in.
Despite its many problems, Watchmen did have a few rewarding qualities. The scenes with Rorschach were amazing due to his hyperviolence, and Snyder did a great job with these bloody scenes. Also, the visuals on Mars and those of the world ending were amazing. But had I known about all of Watchmen’s misogynistic problems, I would not have wasted my time and $10 sitting through that film just to see Rorschach throw dead dogs through windows at a child-murderer.

Love, love, love

A Slightly Historical Love Poem

If we had been in the same platoon during Vietnam, I would have jumped on a grenade for you.
You are my dirty little secret, like a speakeasy in the days prohibition saw through.
Even those long sentences of an alcoholic Faulkner can't express the emotion,
Nor the timelessness of the stories from Titanic, lost in the ocean.
Like Bonnie and Clyde, we are a combined force,
And our passion rivals Catherine the Great's for that horse.
Not only do I love you more than I can say,
but we're building our own history day by day...

Needs lots of work, but this is my roughdraft and I'm working with these metaphors to try and produce something better.

I'm So Sick

Today was such a long day, and this paper I'm trying to write just makes it feel so much more endless. All I want is sleep, but I have to get this done in order to go out to see a movie tomorrow night.

Lifting for track today killed all the muscles in my thighs; I really need to get into shape again, but I've been ignoring that for so long. Now that my weakness is in my face, I need to get stronger in order to prove myself.

I wish it could just be like a montage, without any legitimate work.
If I could just have my whole life be a montage until Spring Break, I would be sooo happy.

I really want to see my new house.

It's Just a Matter of Time Until We're All Found Out

To-Do List:
-Jane Austen 5-6 page essay on the roles of mothers in the formation of a heroine due Wednesday
-Read half of Emma
-Study for Sociology Midterm Tuesday
-Review Organic Chemistry Notes
-Do Thursday's linguistics reading and WS

AWESOME! Looks like a great week!!!!!!!!!

I Keep Telling Myself I'm Not the Desperate Type

I need to stop thinking about guys and just worry about all the other crap that's happening in my life...

I just joined track, so that is awesome. I can't wait to start throwing again because I was really starting to miss it. My dad got mad at me when I told him, saying that this is just another thing adding to my plate, but at least it's something I like.

My mom told me today that she would take me to VEGAS for my 21st birthday! Hopefully, it will happen. If not, I still love her for trying.

Underground
My coffee sits,
and in the corner
the wall drips.
I see the crack
where the leak has sprung.
I try to fix it,
but it is done.
I'm slowly drowning
in my own work.
Can you help me?
As I go berserk?

Whine

The hurt—it aches, and pulls apart
The soothing feeling in my heart
Bus’ness time of another day
Homework in a different way
To work at home for something more
Not waking on his bedroom floor
Now, here’s an apple, my dear. You
Lie beneath the tree with me too
I know this just may end up in sadness
Surely ‘fore it drives me into madness
For I just do not think I know my role
And for that, kid, we’ll smoke a bowl.

Say you will

Today was a crappy day.

I found out that my organic chemistry exams are no longer take-home because of the rampant cheating that occurs on them. I, for one, never cheated on any of the exams. The evidence of that is my B- compared to others' 104 percent test grades.

My best friend has recently become involved with a guy, which is awesome for her, but because of her busy schedule (and mine), we hardly hang out anymore. I used to chill in her room with her every night with her and do homework and such, and now I only hang out with her and the boy, which is fine, but they also have a lot of alone time where she's disappeared. O well, at least we got to hang out for a while and lip sync to our favorite songs with our friend, Misch. Great times!

I got into yet another fight with my mom. Then my dad left me an angry voicemail.

I hate money. This is why we fight. Damn you FAFSA!

A life wasted can never be loved.
A life loved can never be wasted.

Just Because We Move Units

Classes have begun, and I am more tired than ever. Having to deal with roommate issues, arguing with my RA boss, having a fight with another RA are just great ways to start this semester.
At least all my professors seem relatively cool. I already adore both of my English professors, and I'm sure I will get along well in their classes. The readings aren't obnoxiously long yet, so I guess I'll have to see how it goes.
Organic chemistry scares the pants off me, even though I have a great professor who is extremely fair. He tries his best to make sure no one has test anxiety, but also warns you to study at least 12 hours weekly if you want an A.
I have a meeting with my advisor later today about doing a clinical medicine program next semester (that takes up 3 credits) and Orgo. There's time for me to decide I know, but I don't want to miss out on any opportunities. Plus, if I do the clinical medicine thing this year, I don't have to next year, so I can spend a year abroad in London if I chose to (but I don't think my family would like that too much)!
I was up late last night playing video games with one of my residents. The cool ones are definitely growing on me as friends, and I think that is the best part of being an RA on this floor.

These Eyes Are Blind

I just started my job as an RA when all of my freshmen moved in Thursday. I've warned them not to let me see, smell, or hear anything, but I've already caught at least 20 kids breaking rules. Why do they have to be so difficult even before school starts?
I understand the freshman mentality that as soon as they are in college, they're going to party hard. Why is that a necessary obligation less than four hours after their parents leave though?
They definitely don't understand what moderation means and take all their drinking to excess with beirut games and multiple shots. Sure, I blacked out freshman year, but not within the first weekend of school.
Already we have had a kid causing problems on our floor while intoxicated, and now he is being shunned by all his hallmates who have no tolerance for racist and chauvinist behavior. This kid has probably been spoiled his whole life, and now he finally realizes how to behave when he can't get what he wants.
I mean, I have plenty of stories about the wildness of freshman year, but none of them started this soon.
They're going to have major reality checks once classes start; of that I'm sure.

one day

I will form a band, and it shall be called The New Black.
Our first album will be called "Bad spelling, small flaws, and precious honesty"

Just a thought.

Freewriting circa January 2006

Comparing feelings to sodium-potassium pumps in preparation
for a give-and-take relationship--possibly of academic nature.
With sweetness like the milk left over from
my froot loops--which I never actually finish.
Tic-tac-toe being a complete metaphor for life and maybe for buying shoes as well,
not really.
Ghosts never existing in the "Ah, there are more things than heaven and
earth in your
philosophies, Horatio."
What's the most important thing?
Why do we ride bicycles (besides slowing global
warming, you know?)?
Jesus Christ
died on a cross...a crucifix to say the least.
Vietnam, Iraq,
what a battle we could never possibly win--a
contrast between what we're doing and
what we're thinking.
Not paying attention, too busy scribbling out my imagination waiting for the end
of days--a synonym for graduation, or my livelihood of high school years
preparing
from overwork and stuggle
for more overwork and struggle.
Why must we do this? The same thing daily
is enough to drive one mad.
Automatic handgun pouring out ammunition like words
from books used as weapons.
No more tests
No more
Done.

Please Vote to make All Time Low come to my school!

DC was awesome.
Seeing all the friends I haven't seen in forever and making new ones was great.
Hearing about the regional conference in MAINE, I felt the need to sign up for it immediately.
It's both just another place to add to my facebook "Where I've Been" map, and so much more than that.
So, the president of my AMSA club is doing research in a third world country right now; therefore, I have to plan a huge conference by myself...maybe I can do it?
Wish me luck.